The Comedy of 50/50: Why Your Marriage Won't Work
Splitting bills sounds fair… until you remember one partner is growing humans, breastfeeding at 3 AM, and doing biological labor no receipt can measure. This funny, fiery breakdown exposes why the 50/50 debate falls apart in marriage.
Why Equal Bills Ignore Unequal Biological Work
"So You Want to Split Bills 50/50? Cool— or Maybe, Just Pay for Dinner"
The Hilarious Truth About Splitting Bills, Babies, and Uterus Services
Ah.. the age-old debate: should couples split bills down the middle? - Sure, that sounds fair… until you realize somebody is out here growing entire human organs for free.
Alright, y’all, let’s talk about this 50/50 bill-splitting debate because I’m TIRED. It’s one thing to split bills on a casual date—but when a man starts talking about splitting bills in a marriage?
Oh no, no, NO. Sir, if you want to talk ‘fairness,’ let’s get real about what women bring to the table!
First of all, you want kids?
Cool. Guess what? Uterus services aren’t free. That’s right, labor and delivery aren’t a ‘gift of love,’ they’re a 9-month construction project. I’m talking full-on custom design work: The bones? I built them. The brain? Grew it from scratch. The liver, heart, kidneys? All handcrafted in my womb. And YOU want to split things evenly? - Okay, let’s split the baby-making process then. You can go ahead and handle making the bones next time.
Oh wait, you can’t? Hmm, maybe that’s why splitting everything 50/50 doesn’t quite add up!
Let’s also talk about the delivery. Pushing out a whole human? That’s not a free service, my dude. That’s premium labor—pun fully intended. Uterus fees start at 100% emotional support, 24/7 snacks, and a foot rub with no complaints. And while we’re at it, I hope you’re ready to split the breastfeeding shifts. You want 50/50? Then you better be up at 3 AM lactating right alongside me.
What’s that? You can’t? - Oh, how convenient for you!
Marriage isn’t about tallying receipts like you’re running a small business. It’s about balance, generosity, and understanding that some things are priceless. You want to talk ‘fair’? Then take in fair consideration the full-service biological miracle that women provide for free. Maybe THEN we can talk about who owes what at the dinner table or on the monthly rent.
Bottom line?
Look, we’re all for balance in relationships, but let’s be real—pregnancy, childbirth, and round-the-clock baby care don’t exactly come with a 50/50 split option. So before you request your wife for half the rent, let’s talk about uterus fees, late-night lactation shifts, and why dinner is still cheaper than labor and delivery.
Buckle up, this one’s gonna be fun!
If you can’t grow a spleen or push out a watermelon, maybe just pick up the check and say: ‘Thank you.’ - Trust me, it’s cheaper than the uterus fee.
